I’m old af today. (2/42)
I feel about 61% dead already, but that’s fine because it’s statistically accurate.
Today is my birthday; I’m now forty-mumble years old. I say “forty-mumble” because I’ve been a performer for too long to start being completely honest about my age at this late date. I’m more than old enough. Probably too old. I’m definitely too old in some ways, maybe still a little young in others. It’s a mixed bag. I’m still waiting for that elder wisdom to kick in (pretty sure that’s not going to happen), but I genuinely no longer care what other people think about me, and that’s pleasant.
Unlike beautiful people who have a lot to lose by aging, I’ve never been particularly attractive, so the whole “becoming invisible after a certain age” thing doesn’t seem to apply to me. I was never very visible, so not much has changed there. (I get that it’s a genuine concern for others, but it hasn’t been a part of my aging experience.)
Most days, I’m fine with getting older. Sure, I worry about cognitive decline and living out my final years in abject poverty, but the odds are pretty decent that my body will give out before those things happen. There’s no use pining over my lost youth or any nonsense like that. If I had to go back and live it all over again, I would probably just fuck everything up in a different way. Regret is inevitable.
I know that sounds like a downer, but I don’t mean it that way. My life is neither great nor terrible (nor particularly Instagrammable), but it’s good enough. I have more good than bad days, which counts for something. I have a spouse I love, hobbies I enjoy, work that doesn’t keep me up at night with anxiety, and a modest amount of financial stability. I have a few good friends, and my family loves and accepts me. I’m lucky, and I know it. I don’t like the city I live in, but I love our apartment. My health is decent -- and way better than it used to be. Things don’t have to be extraordinary to be worthwhile.
Anyway, everybody gets older (until they don’t). I got a little older today and baked some low-fat vegan brownies topped with dried cherries to celebrate. Happy birthday to me!
Happy Birthday!
Cheers 🍒
We are also about the same age,
so, here's to not being dead😋
Wishing you amazing and magical wonderment,
always ✨
Happy birthday! 🎂 I am at the same stage of my life so thank you for that text. It resonated a lot with me.
The cake looks tasty! 🥳