mini-post: we have to talk about dog parties (18/52)

Popular children's literature ruined all of our lives.

I’m pretty sure that the climactic party depicted in Go, Dog, Go set up an unrealistic lifelong expectation of what parties are supposed to be like, and that picture is the main reason I hate parties as an adult.

What real-life human party could ever compare to that dog party, that big dog party? None. There has never been a human party so filled with joy and ice cream and trapezes. Those dogs had trampolines and party hats. Have you ever attended a human party with both trampolines and party hats? No, you never have.

I have experienced that sort of dog party joy exactly zero times in my life.

You show up at a human party, and it’s more like:

A human party.

A boring human party.

Big humans, little humans, happy humans, sad humans, talkative humans, quiet humans, drunk humans, and sober humans are all at a boring human party.

What a (disappointing) human party (with no trampolines or party hats or cannons or swings in trees)!

That dog party ruined my life. I bet I would have been a confident extrovert with no social anxiety if I’d never read that dog party book repeatedly between ages three and six. But here we are.

(I also think that Go, Dog, Go is why I’m insecure about wearing hats, but that’s another post.)