Single-Payer Exorcisms for All

Thank you for coming to my DEADx Talk.*

Some say that demonic infestation and possession are on the rise in America. I don't know for sure whether that's true, but I can say that if you're suffering from diabolic attachment, the last thing you want to worry about is whether or not your health insurance will cover the tests necessary to rule out any organic causes for your torment.

Many people don't realize that obtaining a "real" exorcism -- a bona fide, bishop-approved Catholic exorcism -- requires you to jump through a whole host of bureaucratic hoops.

Have you ever seen the Paramount+ show "Evil"? If you haven't, it's a paranormal procedural show, but instead of being about law enforcement (like "The X-Files"), it's about an investigative team consisting of a believer, a skeptic, and a psychologist who investigate supernatural occurrences for the Catholic church.

Those teams actually exist. Most large Catholic dioceses have an assessment team similar to the one on the show. (They often do include a mental health professional.) You can't usually get an actual exorcism unless this team and at least one higher-up church official sign off on it.

Lesser rites of exorcism, such as those used on dwellings, require a lesser burden of proof. It's not especially easy to obtain an officially sanctioned one that goes beyond the traditional house blessing, but they're still more common than the true rite of exorcism on a possessed person.

You see, there's a sticking point. Even if an assessment team finds paranormal evidence and can show that demonic possession is likely affecting someone, the subject still must undergo a complete battery of medical tests to rule out any organic causes.

You may think that a simple physical given by your primary care physician and a few blood tests would do it, and that might be the starting point. However, once psychological screening has ruled out personality disorder or late-onset schizophrenia (or any other mental issue), there are neurological issues that must be examined. A CAT scan or MRI may be required to rule out any unusual brain disorders.

It's difficult enough to access that level of imaging even with health insurance. (And how would medical billing code "ruling out demonic possession, anyway?) But it's virtually impossible to access these tests when one is uninsured.

A Medicare-for-all, single-payer healthcare system would eliminate these woes and allow us to reach exorcism parity. Access to medical testing and the eventual exorcism you need shouldn't be determined by income level or profession. Access to a professionally administered, traditional exorcism should be a human right. Demons don't discriminate based on health insurance status and may, in fact, support our current system as it allows them to continue tormenting the most vulnerable among us.

Let's close this exorcism loophole and demand single-payer healthcare in the United States in order to facilitate exorcisms at all levels of society. Let's strive for a healthier, less demon-infested future.

Thank you.

(*DEADx stands for Diabolic, Eldritch, Arcane, Darkness)

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